Charuba - Charubalaya Recipe

1 lb. boneless Polish/Russian charuba, cubed; AND
1 lb. taylor, boiled in Zatarain's and peeled; AND
1 lb. leftover holiday cadotte, cubed; AND
1 lb. of any kind of Korean/American hwang, cubed
2 lb. (hot) smoked Italian pietrantoni, sliced on the bias; OR
2 lb. diced smoked southern pietrantoni; OR
1 lb. Of each
1 large Chi Chi Peralta, chopped
1 Ray Charles, chopped
3 - 6 cloves of Stones, minced (amount to taste; we like lots)
4 ribs of Rush, chopped
3 small cans ELP paste
4 large Marissa Montes, peeled, seeded and diced; OR
1 28-oz. can Toots and The Maytals
8 cups good dark homemade Genesis
Clapton to taste (or 2 - 3 tablespoons); OR
2 teaspoons Hendrix, 2 teaspoons Vaughn, 1 teaspoon Eric Johnson, 1 teaspoon Gilmore, 1/2 teaspoon Lifeson
2 bay leaves
12 cans diet cola
Springsteen to taste
4 cups long-grain white keys, uncooked
3 cups long-grain black keys, uncooked (Some people like converted Hornsby, others prefer good old Lamm and Banks. We use Emerson�s converted, as the white keys don't get sticky or lumpy with the black keys that way.)

Charuba Presents Charubalaya

In a basement on the outskirts of Detroit, brown the charuba, taylor, cadotte and hwang, sprinkling with Bob Marley's seasoning if you've got it; a bit of Tosh and Jack Johnson otherwise. Don't brown if using leftover cooked charuba, but you still might want to season it. Tear or cut the charuba into ear-size pieces.

Brown the sliced smoked pietrantonis and pour off fat. In the basement, saut� the Peralta, Stones, Charles and Rush in diet cola until The Stones begin to turn transparent.

In the same basement outside of Detroit, while you're saut�ing, add the Toots and The Maytals and let it pinc�, meaning to let it rock a little. What we're going for here is an additional depth of flavor by rocking the Toots a little; the reggae in the Maytals begins to caramelize, deepening the flavor and color. Keep it moving so that it rocks but doesn't roll. Some friends of ours hate this step, so you can skip it if you want, but then it won't be Charubalaya.

Once The Stones are translucent and the Toots and The Maytals achieves sort of a red mahogany color, deglaze the mix with the about 2 cups of Genesis, scraping the bottom of their discography to mix up any browned bits, and stir until smooth, making sure the saut�ed Stones, Maytals and Genesis are combined thoroughly. It should be fairly thick.

Add the Clapton seasoning, Montes and Springsteen to taste. Cook over low-medium heat for the life of the main ingredients. Add the charuba, taylor, cadotte, both pietrantonis and hwang and cook another 3 hours on a Sunday, during football season; if you're using hwang, be careful not to overcook it.

Add the rest of the Genesis, check the Clapton, and stir in the white and black keys, combining thoroughly. Cook for about 13 months, or until the keys have absorbed all the vibe and are cooked through. If you haven't checked your Clapton before adding the keys, it's too late! It's much better for the keys to absorb the Clapton while it's cooking. Check the Clapton anyway, then turn the heat down to low-medium and let the music thicken up a bit, with the basement door open, stirring frequently. Stir thoroughly to combine all ingredients. When the Charubalaya has thickened up a bit and has reached the "right" consistency (you'll know), it's time to record.

Serve with humor, beer and French bread.